My Lil Red Dress

I’m the May in a May December relationship, and I’ll be the first to tell you that it’s not always the easiest kind of relationship to be in. I’ll also tell you that I’ve had just about as much as I can take of what seems to be the popular opinion that it must be about money.

May December relationships have become more accepted in recent years, probably in part due to high-profile couples like Hugh Hefner and whatever women he happens to be dating at any given time and Donald Trump and his penchant for younger wives. Unfortunately, those relationships have also led mainstream America to believe that any younger woman with an older man must be with him for money.

That simply isn’t the case. Are there women who date older men for money? I’m sure there are. There are lots and lots of people who date and marry for the wrong reasons….that’s partly why so many marriages end in divorce.

I’d just like to point out, for all the other women like me, who happen to be in a May December relationship with a man that they really love, that it isn’t always about the money. I’ll be the first to admit that dating a much older man isn’t easy. In fact, we tried not to date for some time. There just seemed to be too many things standing in the way of us being able to have a long-term relationship. Like the fact that he had never had any children and I have three – all under the age of 13. And the fact that chances are he’ll die right about the time I’m ready to retire. There were lots of things to stop us from starting a relationship, and only one thing in favor of us moving forward…and it wasn’t money!

There is really no point to my post today, except that I’m a little irked about yet another comment that I heard recently about my relationship. And since I have a blog, I’m entitled to get irked if I want to. But since I like to have something of substance to say when I write, here’s a few things I’d just like to throw out there:

For those of you who are happy in a May December relationship with someone who you really love – ignore the things that you sometimes hear. When people don’t understand something, it’s normal for them to dismiss it in a manner that allows them to understand. As long as we know that we are in a relationship for the right reasons, we don’t need to worry about what others think.

For those of you who have feelings for someone who is much younger or older than you, but are denying your feelings because you are concerned what others might say…do what’s right for you and forget all the rest of it. You’re the one who has to wake up every morning and live your life – do it in a way that will bring you love and happiness.

And, last, for my friends that don’t understand that two people can love each other even when they were born in different years. It’s not always about money, sex, or a woman that didn’t have a good father. Sometimes people just fall in love. Can’t that be good enough?

For more reading on May December relationships, check out the book What’s Age Got to Do With It? by Anne Cantelo. It’s a great book that takes a hard look at relationships with a large age gap and provides honest information. A great read for anyone – especially those in this type of relationship.

My sister called me the other day, in a total panic over a first date. I’m a born talker, so I’ve always viewed a first date as an opportunity to talk to someone new, but getting nervous over a date is common for many women.

I think one of the main tricks to preparing for a first date is to not prepare too much. In fact, sometimes last minute first dates are the best kind, since they leave you with very little time to worry. Of course, you don’t have a lot of control over how far in advance you know about your date, so here are some tips to get prepared, no matter how far in advance you know about it.

Let’s talk about what you should wear on your date. If you are like most women, you want to look good. It’s great to look your best, but you also want to be comfortable. Dress for the occasion, but don’t try to be someone who you are not. Make sure that you wear something you have worn before so you know that you’ll be comfortable. Know what you’re going to wear in advance so that you aren’t worrying about it at the last minute.

It wouldn’t hurt to think about some things that you’d like to talk about. I have a tendency to talk too much all the time, but it’s worse when I’m nervous. You don’t want to talk too much, but you don’t want to be completely silent either. Think of some questions that you can ask while on your date.

Keep yourself busy the days before your date. Don’t dwell on your upcoming date or you’ll drive yourself insane, especially if you’re the type of person who gets nervous easily.

Don’t make too much out of the date. One of three things can happen – you might be going out with the person who will become the love of your life. Or, you could be meeting someone who will become a great friend. If all else fails and your date turns into a disaster, you’ll have some great stories to tell!

Have you broken up with the love of your life and are looking for a way to get him back? Do you feel sick over a recent break up? Breaking up isn’t fun – in fact, it’s pretty darn painful and many people wish that they could go back and change things, or to reverse the break up all together. The question is – is it possible? And if it is – is it the right thing to do? Read on to learn how to get your boyfriend back, and to decide if that’s what you really want to do.

Before you go begging your boyfriend to take you back (you shouldn’t beg ever!), decide if being together is really what you want.

~ First, think back to your relationship. Were you mostly happy or were you fighting all the time? If you spent most of the time miserable, it may not be a relationship that’s worth saving. On the other hand, if you spent most of your time happy with one another, then it may be worth working out. If you aren’t sure, ask some of your friends to tell you how happy you were in your relationship – they may have a completely different outlook than you do!

~ Look at the direction that both of your lives are going. If you are going in completely different directions, then it’s possible that you are each better off on your own. For example, if you are dead set on having children some day and he never wants to get married, that’s a pretty major difference! You probably don’t believe it now, but you’ll likely be happier on your own than you would be together…just as soon as the initial pain wears off a bit.

~ This should go without saying, but if there was any abuse in your relationship, then it’s not worth repairing, unless one or both parties seek professional help.

If you’ve made it this far and you are still wondering how to get your boyfriend back, then maybe you had something that was worth holding on to.

First, don’t crowd him. Don’t call, don’t send silly text messages, don’t email 500 times a day. Heck, don’t email even once a day. Your mom probably told you that guys like to chase a girl – well, guess what? She was right.

Once you’ve both had some cooling off time, you can work to see if you can get back together. Chances are you know why it is you broke up. Was it because you were too clingy? Do you get jealous over little things? Whatever it was, you are going to have to make some changes if you want things to work better this time around.

If you want all the secrets on how to get your boyfriend back, check out The Magic Of Making Up. It’s an ebook, full of great ideas that you can use to get your boyfriend back. The author guarantees results or will give readers a refund within 60 days of purchase. The best thing is that you can download it right away and get to work on getting your ex back!

Have you broken up and gotten back together? How did you do it? Are you still together today? Share your stories with us and help someone else who is in the position you once were!

Regardless of the type of divorce process you choose to use, it is important to identify your marital estate. The marital estate is defined by the South Carolina Equitable Apportionment Statute and generally comprises all assets and debts acquired by either party during the marriage, regardless of title. As you can guess, there are numerous exceptions to this rule, so discuss this issue carefully with your attorney. For starters, however, you should begin to gather the following information, regardless of how it was obtained or who obtained it, as long as it was obtained during the marriage. Gather information on an asset used during the marriage, regardless of when it was obtained.

An example of an “asset” would be your residence, a car, a boat, a valuable piece of artwork, a retirement account, or an investment account. An asset is anything that is worth money! Don’t worry about loans on the assets (such as your mortgage or a car loan), because you will be listing all of these debts separately. The result will be your “net” marital estate.

Here is a brief checklist to help guide you with this process. It is by no means a comprehensive list, so anticipate that your attorney will need more information, but it is a good starting place.

Income/ Assets:

• Income tax returns for the previous five years

• Retirement account statements; one from the date of marriage, one current.

• Estimated valuation of all real estate acquired during the marriage

• Estimated value of the marital residence, if owned

• Statements from current investment accounts

• Statements from college savings accounts for minor children

• Estimated (Blue Book) value of all automobiles

• Itemization of all valuable artwork, jewelry, etc. with estimate of values

• Copies of all trusts

• Copies of all whole life insurance policies or annuities

• Recent statements from whole life and annuity policies

• Copies of all corporate papers; Sub S Corp’s, LLC’s etc.

Debts

• Current credit card statements

• Current mortgage balances (1st, 2nd, 3rd, etc….)

• Automobile loans

• Promissory notes

• Student loans

• Secured loans

• Other debts and obligations (unsecured)

In complicated cases, a financial professional is helpful to assist in establishing the value of the marital estate. In the more straightforward cases, you and your lawyer can establish the values using and Excell or Numbers spreadsheet, or just a pencil and paper!

The bottom line is that you want to identify everything that was obtained during the marriage, or used as marital property during the marriage regardless of how it was obtained.

HOT TIP: You will also want to have this information very well organized for your attorney or financial professional. You pay these people by the hour, so the less time they need to spend organizing your financial matters, the less money you will pay for this service!

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