My Lil Red Dress

Sometimes relationships have to end. It’s usually not easy to end a relationship and it’s never fun, but if your relationship is causing you more pain that joy, it might be time to walk away.

How do you know when it’s time to end a relationship? I’ve been guilty a time or two of hanging on to a relationship long after I should have ended it because I felt like walking away would mean that I had wasted all of the time that I had invested in the relationship. I realize now that those thoughts are wrong. We learn something from every relationship that we’re in, so leaving one never means time wasted as long as we take what we’ve learned and do something with it. Staying in a relationship that you know will never lead anywhere IS a waste of your time – and the time of your partner.

Some signs that the relationship is over may include:

~ You and your partner are heading in different directions and it’s clear that you want very different things out of life.

~ You fight constantly and no amount of working on it or counseling seems to be helping.

~ You can’t agree on major life decisions. For example, you may want to get married and have children; he’s made it clear that he never wants children.

~ You have begun seeking a relationship with someone else.

There are many other reasons why relationships end, if you think that it’s time to end yours, take time to do some major soul searching.

Once that you’ve decided to end the relationship, you are going to have to tell your partner that it’s over. The mere thought of having to do this is enough to send some people into a full-blown panic attack. Women, especially, hate to hurt others. We don’t want to be the cause of pain for anyone. Unfortunately, if the time has come to end a relationship, you are going to have to.

Decide on a time to let your partner know that the relationship is over. Make sure that you clearly lay out your reasons for ending the relationship and then stick by your decision. It’s going to be difficult and if your partner is not ready for the relationship to end, he/she may try to talk you into changing your mind. Giving in at this point is only going to prolong the inevitable. Respect your partner enough to be honest with them. They might not like it right now, but they’ll respect you for your honesty later.

Expect to feel a great amount of pain. Ending a relationship hurts, even if you know it had to be done. You may be tempted to go back; don’t do it for the wrong reasons. Know that the pain will eventually subside – for both of you.

It’s a fact, lots of boyfriends cheat. If you think yours is one of them, it’s best if you find it out before your relationship goes any further than it is right now. Yeah, it’s going to hurt, but it’s better than finding out after you are married with kids. If your gut tells you that something is wrong, chances are good that there is indeed something going on. As women, we typically want to believe the best about those who we love, even though we know, in our heart, that something isn’t right.

The first step to catch a cheating boyfriend is being alert to the signs that something isn’t right. Some signs to look for include:

~ Your boyfriend all of the sudden starts carrying his cell phone with him everywhere he goes. He’ll no longer allow you to touch the phone and will possibly even password protect it so you can’t look at it if he does leave it lying around. The same can be true for the computer.

~ Has your boyfriend all of the sudden started dressing better or working out?

~ Has his sex drive changed? Some guys seem to lose their sex drive, while others want to be intimate with their girlfriend all the time. If you’ve gone from 5 nights a week to 0 or from 0 to 5, there might be a problem.

~ Does he lie about his whereabouts? Has he started having night meetings? Does he have a new set of “friends” that you don’t know? If so, chances are pretty good that he’s cheating on you.

~ If you are getting anonymous calls or hang-ups when you answer your home phone, I hope you’re on high alert.

~ Has be become irritable for no reason? Does he become defensive when you ask simple questions?

Taken alone, each one of these signs could mean nothing. If you’ve been cheated on in the past, or are a jealous person by nature, try not to jump to conclusions. That said, if more than one of these are true and if you’ve got that feeling in your gut that he’s cheating – you’re probably wise to pay attention to it.

The problem is that you’ve invested a lot of time into your relationship and chances are, you don’t want to just walk away. You want proof. You actually want to catch your cheating boyfriend. This is where a lot of woman mess up. Instead of collecting evidence, they confront their boyfriend before they have any evidence.

Unless you’re dating a guy whose really dumb or really honest (which I doubt if you think he’s cheating on you), he’s not likely to admit that he’s been cheating. It just isn’t gonna happen. If you really think you’re being cheated on, your best bet is to stay quiet and to start watching closely.

Here’s how to catch a cheating boyfriend:

~ Do you have access to your boyfriend’s computer? Do you share a computer? Check the history on the computer. If it’s erased after he uses the computer, chances are good that he’s cheating on you. You can install a spy program on your computer to confirm your suspicions.

~ If you are receiving phone calls from unknown numbers or if there are strange phone numbers on his cell phone, use a service such as reverse phone detective to track the telephone numbers.

~ Check his stories to see if they are true. If he tells you that he’s working late, drive past his place of business to see if his car is there. If you think that he’s cheating, it most likely won’t be.

~ If you live with him, pay close attention to his pockets when doing laundry. Look for receipts or other items that show what he’s been doing.

~ If you have a shared bank account or credit card account, pay very close attention to all charges. If he’s cheating, you may very well find unexplained charges.

It’s no fun to catch a cheating boyfriend, but if your gut tells you that something is wrong, then take the time to follow up on your suspicions. Once they are confirmed, things will get worse, because you’ll have to decide what to do about it. More about that later…

Have you every caught your boyfriend cheating? How did you do it? Did you stay together after you caught him?

Darrin Zeer, the best-selling author of Office Yoga, knows that massage is good for relationships, not just sore muscles. Lovers’ Massage draws on a range of exotic massage techniques—including Thai, Shiatsu, and Lomi Lomi—to create soothing moves that are as easy to give as they are pleasurable to receive. Enticing illustrations accompany the 65 massage techniques, encouraging couples to indulge in a random rub, a sequence of strokes, or enjoy the book from beginning to end f (more…)

Valentines Day is just around the corner. This year, you may not have the money to celebrate Valentines Day in the way that you normally celebrate it. However, a slow economy is no reason not to show your sweetie how important he is to you.

Instead of going out to dinner, why not plan a romantic Valentines Day dinner at home? There are so many romantic (and fun) things that you can do that you’ll wonder why you ever went out.

In fact, you don’t even have to know how to cook that well in order to have a Valentines day dinner that’s a smashing success.

Start by planning your dinner. What’s your sweetie’s favorite meal? If you can’t come up with anything to make, just search Google for “romantic dinner for two recipe.” You’d be amazed at the ideas that you’ll have to choose from.

The food, though, is actually a very small part of the perfect Valentines Day Dinner. The ambiance is much more important. Make sure that you have candles, fresh flowers, and music. Consider using rose petals to decorate the table.

If roses aren’t part of your budget this year, pick up some construction paper in red, pink, and white. Cut the construction paper into hearts and use them to decorate the table. If you want to get really romantic, write love notes on each of your hearts.

Don’t forget to make dessert. Consider chocolate covered strawberries or chocolate fondue that you can feed to eachother.

After your romantic dinner is over, watch a movie together or give your sweetie a massage, complete with massage oils and candles.

It’s a well-known fact that marriage & finances cause a lot of problems. Since this whole economic crisis has hit, I can’t help but think that lots more couples are having fights about finances. I know that there has been some stress in my house over money since the seemingly never-ending fall of our economy.

But economic crisis aside, marriage & finances have been an issue for couples, probably since the beginning of time. Part of the problem may be that many couples don’t spend that much time talking about money before they get married. It’s just not one of those things that is at the top of most people’s priority list when they are busy with the business of falling in love. Eventually the knot is tied and all of the sudden you realize that you and your spouse have very different ideas about how to spend (or save) money. One person may be a spender; the other a saver. Or, two spenders get married and then start to fight when the money runs out and the debts start to pile up.

How we feel about money is affected by lots of things and our habits likely started when we were small children. We’re affected, either negatively or positively, by how our parents handled money. We’re probably also affected by lots of other factors, not the least of is our personality.

The good news is that finances don’t have to ruin a marriage, even when you feel like they might. If you and your spouse are in love and are committed to your marriage, you can work out money issues – heck, you can even learn something from each other.

The best advice is to start talking to each other about money. Learn about your spouses past and try to understand what affects that way that he feels about spending or saving. One of the best things that you can do to bring peace to your marriage & finances is to set mutual goals. If you and your spouse can set goals together, the chances of you working together to meet the goal go up exponentially.

Here’s a tip that you probably won’t like, but it’s worth saying…you’ve got to compromise. Even if you are completely right (and you know you are!), you know that compromise is part of marriage. The same is true for marriage & finances. If both parties are willing to give a little, you’ll both end up happier in the long run.

My husband and I recently started going through a book called The Couple’s Guide to Love & Money. I can’t say enough good about this book. We both learned our “money personality” and tons of great ideas that we’ve used to get on the same page, financially speaking. This is a must-read book for any couple that’s having issues about money. It’s also a great book, with tons of worksheets and other information for engaged couples and those who are getting married.

Don’t allow the problems that come with marriage & finances ruin your relationship – it’s really not worth it. Make it a priority to work through your money issues together – your relationship will be stronger in the long run.

Have you and your spouse successfully worked through financial issues together? What worked? What didn’t? We’d love to hear about it!